A day @ the Paradise

A day @ the Paradise

I wake up and walk, I see a beautiful place, a place where I want to be, and a place where I see a lot of peace.

As I walk towards the light I find a lot of things lying around, I think to myself “Why this mess, why the stress; everything around is so beautiful, but my aura has lost its charm and gotten less meaningful?”

So I sit down in my dear dump yard, and try to sort things out. Make things look good and enjoy peace at the place I want. One by one I take things out, Create boxes and become the judge, sentence one by one whether the things from the dump yard is required or is to be destroyed.

It’s a task, a huge one, takes a long time, but has to be done.

My first object is Emotion, I take it and try judging it – “Why have I stored them here? Why have I bottled them up?”

I can see anger boiling up, waiting to be let out for destruction;

I can see sadness stored up waiting for recognition, craving to be shared, and screaming in pain;

I can see happiness which was hidden or left within without expressing, which has lost its excitement and thus losing its value;

I can see some feelings have become depressed, the need to be felt, the need to be close to someone and yet not disclosed.

It got me down, way down, thinking what can be done, how it can be done and how things can be back? Or should I just put it in “to be destroyed” box?

Judging is tough, mighty tough. So I pend it and keep it in “Work in Progress (WIP)” box.

My Second Object – Acknowledgement or Self-Appraisal – “What does this mean?” I plan on a lot of things, I plan on what I need (May-be now, or for the future), I work on my plan, but one thing I have always, always missed is to tell myself what a good job I have done – whenever it was successful or that I have tried and learnt whenever it is not. I pray to god to give me something – but when he has given abundantly, I have never really gone back thanking him for the blessings given, this is because I forget my previous prayer and have a new prayer / new need which am eager for.

This needs work – I have to sit and think of my accomplishments and then pat my back – so I decide let it be in “WIP” box.

My third object – Dreams – all my stored up dreams with less courage and confidence to pursue them are being stolen one by one. It’s passing on to others who have it in them to go forward and pursue them. They are tired of staying and it has created a hole in that zone, making the new dreams easy to escape. How do I work on this? How do I patch this up? NO IDEA. For now let me put it in “WIP” Box.

My Fourth Object – Internal suffering – How I want everyone else to be happy but myself, sacrifice for others – this should make me happier but it ends up saddening me? Because the more I try to keep everyone happy, I end up creating a confusion and everything goes haywire. I want to be happy to make others happy, but this is the only extent of my knowledge or analysis – how to do it I have no idea. So “WIP” is where I dump this.

Here I end my day and I see that the beauty which was in front of me (the place I wanted to be) has moved on and all I did the whole day was trying to sort things out. There was a little content that at least I have done something today, and that tomorrow is another day, which will help me go to the beautiful place as I have sorted the mess within. So I sleep with joy and hope for tomorrow.

The next day I get up early, fresh, and excited. Jump up from my bed and run towards the Beautiful place. I run looking forward, and trip and fall down, I get up and look around, all the mess back in its place. A small tear forms in my eye, and slowly runs down my cheek, all my hard work, all my hopes crushing within. I go to find the source of the mess and I see that there was always a hole, a big, a wide hole in “WIP” where I kept throwing the things into.

I look at the beautiful place and feel another tear rolling down, just staring at the place I want to be, just wanting to be at the place of peace.